Archive for March, 2008

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I just finished reading this book -Memoirs of a gangster’s daughter.
& I find out smthg that seems to unnerve me quite a bit…
Since this is a true story, I wonder how honest the author is. Bcos whatever reflections she has when she is 30 years are actually thoughts and qns I’ve repeatedly brought up. It freaks me out a little when I saw this line
“I guess human beings have the ability to shed tears for their own benefit, even when they’re not suffering, even when they’re not sad”
Goodness, this was my EXACT same sentiments I’ve had these past few days.
If there is ntg Econs teach me, I’m grateful that it always reminds me that
all humans are motivated by self-interest.
From all my projects and the way life is turning out, I can only say that
the best way to escape all the bitching and competition was to become a top performer.
& as eerie as it could be, yakuza moon also went through my current state of mind.
This last excerpt from her marvelous book freaks me out so badly bcos never in my life, I’d thought that some other person will think just like me.
I think a lot abt the moon. How it constantly waxes & wanes, just like my life with its highs and lows. i like to think of myself as having been born under a new moon. then, in those uncertain days when i was searching for love, i guess the moon wld have been a crescent. it was prob abt a half-moon when I got married.
Now that I’m alone, do I warrant a full moon? Have I finally overcome my weaknesses and grown up? I’m heading off along a new path in life, but if it turns out to be a dead end, I guess I can start over with the new next moon.
Hmm. It’s astonishing how under such mismatched circumstances, we grow & are “wired to” think just much alike. [hmm. quite worried]
She might be my long-lost sister.
Hahah! Cool. Then I’m actually a japanese & I’d probably get a tattooed back too ;)

Growing up.

on 29 March, 2008 by sin2dy

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My idiosyncrasies…

In FUNNY CRAP, sudden enlightenment on 29 March, 2008 by sin2dy

trial2.jpg

This is weird, or perhaps it comes across as natural to you now that you know me well enough.

Hahaha. Anyway! I’m attracted to things that make me happy. Hmm. You might think it’s silly to look at such impractical and irrelevant stuffs. But ah wells, I call this “My pursuit of happiness” :P

Here’s some funny crap I managed to find, with credits to Mr Miyagi! :D
http://bitsandpieces.us/?p=1228

After reading idiotic newspaper headlines such as

  • Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut – The New York Times
  • Malls try to attract shoppers – The Baltimore Sun

and Beaby’s secretive email regarding NUS recent “interesting” news, I’m quite dumbstruck and amused by this crazy world we all are supposedly to be living in.
After last night’s outing and conversation with a friend, I can’t help to wonder if my life has been much revolving around pleasure rather than pain. Simply put, I’m not pushing myself hard enough as I seem to be enjoying myself too much.

I’d like to think that I don’t have things easy. But then again, I’m living a much more comfortable life than many others. Hmm. Tough environment will make a person stronger but in today’s world, you won’t want to fall below average. It’s like… a miserable race with people that starts way in front of you. Actually, the way to the top is never easy. This reminds me of the saying “Don’t pray for easier lives. Pray to be tougher men (& women).”

Another realization is that “Once you think you’ve seen it all, something else comes around”. My twin (XinYi ^^) reminds me of the fact that it is dangerous to form perceptions of people right from the start. If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t trust yet. I’ve seen so many instances of people getting hurt from trusting another party that makes me feel extremely sick and tired of this issue of trust.

I’d safely say I only know 20% of what people really are, according to the Pareto Rule. I don’t mind getting to know others better, but I’m not going to assume anything unless you tell me what it is. Facts cannot be perceived, only explained -probably explains my unwillingness to read too much into things.

Back to my academic matters: BAH. FIFTEEN DAYS TO ExAM.

Got to continue toughening up and stop being distracted, seriously. I know I’m not giving my best yet. Darnit. My distinguished competitiveness is not going to change. More so in university.

I don’t have much time left. Then again, I’m wasting my time playing with Adobe, as shown below. Gotta change! *rawr*

My 1st adobe attempt~

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JOY.

In bliSS on 27 March, 2008 by sin2dy

YAY! I discovered the reason why I was so depressed. It’s the same old cause: PMS!

Muahaha. Thr are so many “ecstasy-invoking” events today ((:

(: 1. Daddy brought me to upgrade my laptop’s ram to 2G. So now I’m deeply in love with my laptop bcos it’s god damn fast. Ah-ha-ha-ha. I feel so efficient. Lolx! ^^

(: 2. Mummy showed me the photo I took with my baby during CNY.

We have exactly the same expression. Heheh. There is another photo which we both pout together. GAH! My baby is toooooo cute~~~ He always managed to lighten up my day ^^

(: 3. With help from a friend, I found a FABULOUS  FA analysis, which means that I DON’T HAVE to do any calculation on my part. Hehehe. Call me lazy, but if we can have things easy, why not? hahaha

(: 4. My Ltb team all volunteering to help out alr. Yay! I think things are working out, finally! And I’m happy I’ve got friends instead of teammates now.

Life is quite fine now. I’m still learning. In 2 weeks time, I’d have to be ready for my exams.

shittte. 1. fa quiz is screwed up despite my greatest effort 2 study for it

2. i FORGOT abt my twc forum posting. bahh. i have a lot of things on my mind lately, seems to be losing touch with too many matters.

3. i’m blogging this during fa class, so cass wants me to mention her. I don’t know what that crazy woman wants from me. ohh no, she is looking at my screen now. Hmmph. In smu, privacy is SO not respected. Hahaha.

XOXO, Sin

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Protected: unhappy seh~

In emo shit on 25 March, 2008 by sin2dy

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THIS is absurd & hilarious.

In did you know?!! on 22 March, 2008 by sin2dy

It’s good to have the “did you know?” column man.

We all always like to think we know a lot, when there is so much more to learn from this crazy world.

After reading this article, I can only conclude this is really a mad world out there. Nonetheless, we’ll all just take it calmly, laughed about it when we looked back. This is how the cycle goes: fall down, pick yourself up, MOVE ON (a lot of ppl got stuck at this point), look back, laughed in the end.

P.s: i suspect the sudden frenzy of posting on my blog is directly proportionate to my stress level. Finals is coming & i’m not ready. I shan’t allow myself to indulge in meaningless though definitely enjoyable activity such as chit-chatting and shopping and outings. Why? Because my main purpose and GOAL of this semester is to PULL UP my GPA.

I surely cannot let myself down this time :)

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The World Pay Thinkers..

In daily rumblings, sudden enlightenment on 22 March, 2008 by sin2dy

NOT Doers.

I hope I am not thinking too much -sufficient enough for me to get through life.

By.the.way.

I MISSSSSSSS MY RUBIK’S CUBE MADLY. 

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fake or real me?

In daily rumblings on 21 March, 2008 by sin2dy

I’m quite confused. (Hint hint: Don’t read if you’re feeling mindfucked as well cos I always have & will post a gazillion of qns going thru my head…)

Even in my dreams, i search constantly for an answer. Troubles overwhelming me -again and again. I woke up, feeling really lethargic and unhappy.

Why is so much sentiments involved in this crap? Why can’t we just do things mechanically and peacefully? Why is there so much trouble? Why people can’t compromise? Why can’t we take time off to understand each other?

Why can’t people admit they are wrong? Why do people always think they’re right?

I do believe, as weird as it sounds, this is bcos they’re insecure of themselves -not confident enough. But then again, what can I do about this?

I feel like chucking into every one’s hands a self-help book.

Go read it. Stop giving this world so much shit. We can make this world a better place.

Stop being a bitch. Stop playing mind games with me. Stop all your fake smiles. Stop this. Stop. stop. stop.

I’m deeply disturbed by my dreams bcos they showed me I’m merely suppressing myself & putting up a cheery front. I don’t mind, really. If every single one of us can put up a fake happy front, we won’t have to give a shit about addressing your “emo crap”.

As selfish as it might sounds to you, I think it will then removes all the complexity from human relationships. I fantasize about the day this could actually happened.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. As much as i would love to love others, let me first love myself by searching for the answers to my qns.

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Good Friday!

In FUNNY CRAP on 21 March, 2008 by sin2dy

(AND! I’m in school, having meeting now ~_~)

Here’s a story to share with you.

‘Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ.’ The atheist
professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his
new students to stand.

‘You’re a Christian, aren’t you, son?’

‘Yes sir,’ the student says.

‘So you believe in God?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘Is God good?’

‘Sure! God’s good.’

‘Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?’

‘Yes.’

‘Are you good or evil?’

‘The Bible says I’m evil.’

The professor grins knowingly. ‘Aha! The Bible!’ He considers for a
moment.

‘Here’s one for you. Let’s say there’s a sick person over here and you
can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?’

‘Yes sir, I would.’

‘So you’re good…..!’

‘I wouldn’t say that.’

‘But why not say that? You’d help a sick and maimed person if
you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn’t.’

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. ‘He
doesn’t, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even
though he prayed to Jesus to heal him How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can
you answer that one?’

The student remains silent.

‘No, you can’t, can you?’ the professor says. He takes a sip of
water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

‘Let’s start again, young fella Is God good?’

‘Er…yes,’ the student says.

‘Is Satan good?’

The student doesn’t hesitate on this one. ‘No.’

‘Then where does Satan come from?’

The student : ‘From…God…’

‘That’s right. God made Satan, didn’t he? Tell me, son. Is there
evil in this world?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Evil’s everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything,
correct?’

‘Yes.’

‘So who created evil?’ The professor continued, ‘If God created
everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to
the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.’

Without allowing the student to answer, the professor continues:
‘Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible
things, do they exist in this world?’

The student: ‘Yes.’

‘So who created them?’

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his
question. ‘Who created them? There is still no answer. Suddenly the
lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is
mesmerized.

‘Tell me,’ he continues onto another student. ‘Do you believe in
Jesus Christ, son?’

The student’s voice is confident: ‘Yes, professor, I do.’

The old man stops pacing. ‘Science says you have five senses you
use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen
Jesus?’

‘No sir. I’ve never seen Him’

‘Then tell us if you’ve ever heard your Jesus?’

‘No, sir, I have not.’

‘Have you ever actually felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or
smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus
Christ, or God for that matter?’

‘No, sir, I’m afraid I haven’t.’

‘Yet you still believe in him?’

‘Yes.’

‘According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable
protocol, science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that,
son?’

‘Nothing,’ the student replies. ‘I only have my faith.’

‘Yes, faith,’ the professor repeats. ‘And that is the problem
science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.’

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a
question of his own. ‘Professor, is there such thing as heat?’

‘Yes,’ the professor replies. ‘There’s heat.’

‘And is there such a thing as cold?’

‘Yes, son, there’s cold too.’

‘No sir, there isn’t…’

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested.
The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.

‘You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat,
mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we
don’t have anything called ‘cold’. We can hit up to 458 degrees below
zero, which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is
no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the
lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when
it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have
or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat.
You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of
heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units
because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the
absence of it.’

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom,
sounding like a hammer.

‘What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as
darkness?’

‘Yes,’ the professor replies without hesitation. ‘What is night
if it isn’t darkness?’

‘You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the
absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright
light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have
Nothing and it’s called darkness, isn’t it? That’s the meaning we use to
define the word. In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were, you would be able
to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?’

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him.
This will be a good semester. ‘So what point are you making, young man?’

‘Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is
flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.’

The professor’s face cannot hide his surprise this time.
‘Flawed? Can you explain how?’

‘You are working on the premise of duality,’ the student
explains. ‘You argue that there is life and then there’s death; a good
God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something
finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a
thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much
less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life
is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive
thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.’

‘Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they
evolved from a monkey?’

‘If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young
man, yes, of course I do’

‘Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?’

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he
realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

‘Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work
and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you
not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a
preacher?’

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the
Commotion has subsided.

‘To continue the point you were making earlier to the other
student, let me give you an example of what I mean.’

The student looks around the room… ‘Is there anyone in the class
who has ever seen the professor’s brain?’ The class breaks out into
laughter.

‘Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor’s brain,
felt the professor’s brain, touched or smelled the professor’s brain? No
one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of
empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no
brain, with all due respect, sir. So if science says you have no brain,
how can we trust your lectures, sir?’

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the
student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. ‘I
guess you’ll have to take them on faith.’

‘Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists
with life,’ the student continues. ‘Now, sir, is there such a thing as
evil?’

Now uncertain, the professor responds, ‘Of course, there is. We
see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man…
It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world.
These manifestations are nothing else but evil.’

To this the student replied, ‘Evil does not exist sir, or at
least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God.
It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe
the absence of God.

God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when
man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold
that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there
is no light.

The professor sat down.

Nice nice? I’m damn happy bcos I found out that I actually have a photogenic memory!

Muahah. I KNEW I see that figure somewhr & I found it! :>

OH. U guys watched youtube video “Ken Lee”? GO WATCH. damn hilarious! (:

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This girl knows how to handle herself..

In daily rumblings, sudden enlightenment on 20 March, 2008 by sin2dy

But does she knows how to handle others? My role as a leader is seriously stressful ( & it shows! I’ve gained two more pimples for this -.- )

Yet, I’ve learnt so much. Learn how to detach my feelings from my rational thinking. (yess!)

I’m learning to take things professionally. Learning how to view an issue from other angles.  Learning how to earn respect. Learning how to manage people. As Prof Kong says, we’ll learn all these in university bcos now, we can make mistakes without paying much cost. In the corporate world outside, we might pay a dear cost.

Trouble -is the building block of character. My LTB is turning into a melodrama with emotions running wild and seems like a crisis to me now.

Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong -sometimes it’s letting go”

I believe this is a time for me to let go of my thoughts to hold on. I will help them in whatever I can. I believe this way is the most effective way as I can remain strong and the job gets done.

I rmbr the high expectations ppl haf of me, the high hopes they pinned upon me, the highness they wish to get from me. & I will stay strong bcos I want to help those who need my help. I want to be a man not of success, but of value.

I know I can pull through this & become a better man. It’s possible that my GPA might suffer (tt’s due to my pure time mgmt & lack of drive) but it’s ok. I will give my best, learn smthg & apply to next sem.

Pushing aside all these serious talk, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSHUA EE! Thanks for being such a great friend & don’t whine so much now that you’re 22! :P

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Protected: Troubled. troubles. troubling.

on 18 March, 2008 by sin2dy

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