Open up your mind

Now that I’ve been through so much camps & modules which makes me learn much much more than I have ever expected, I feel like I DID grown up in SMU.

After the FTB (freshmen team building) facilitator training I have today, I realized that my facilitator last time was NOT GOOD AT ALL. I didn’t learn much from my own camp other than realizing the fact that integrity is 1 of the core values of the school. There was so much more he could have taught us, so much more we could have learnt. I’ll make sure to impart as much skills as possible that I have acquired from my experience of going through the camp.

So now, I feel a bit cheated. Bcos it struck me that my ftb experience albeit a victorious and pleasant one, did not make me learn anything.

This reminds me of the speech the Chairman of the Student’s Association made during our Convocation day..

“There are a lot of opportunities for you to do great stuffs in SMU. Explore them.”

I’m learning to explore with an open mind =)

Protected: I don’t like guys..

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We’re in this small crazy world together

I’m super happy tody! Driving went fine, I came up with more frightening ideas for fright night’s mtg & went for a wine promoter interview. & bcos I have 1 hour to wait for the interview and you know I HAVE to talk so that time passes faster. So, I just randomly picked 2 girls to talk to. Hur hur. Tell me the chances of meeting someone from SMU AND MJC man! We had a gd laugh over zx & his SK jewellery incident and I’m glad to find someone that isn’t in favor of our school’s culture either. It’s really a small world after all! Or to be more precise, a small country.

For our interview, I see kids from NTU presenting themselves very well & thus, the stigma of them unable to present well FALLS FLAT. NUS kids seem to be rather more nervous. I’m surprised how people would “borrow” SMU’s name to stand out. Sadly, I don’t think it works. Won’t a shrewd enough person realize that for a student to leverage on the school’s reputation to have an extra edge, that student is not confident of HER/HIMSELF enough? Nonetheless, I truly witness the effect of SMU’s name on employees. However, it acts as a double edged sword for I wld admit that the standard of qns he asked SMU kids is definitely higher. (Not being snobbish here , but my experience just indicated that employees have high expectations of us & it’s not easy to uphold to the school’s image, really)

After the interview, I received news from Keeto all is going smoothly for our upcoming event *smiles* & on my way back, I was exhilarated to find mummy’s fav food & bought it back to please her =P

& then here comes this pretty cool video of TATTOOS.

Seriously. Using the belly button is a creative & funny idea (for 15minutes), & it’s a joke for the rest of your life. & some are TOTALLY like walking billboards, while some just branded themselves (Apple, DHL, wth? I should probably get a CHANEL tattoo ). & what about those that tattooed their FACES? Do they have some bad scars to hide or they just enjoy disfiguring themselves eh?!

With a permanent mark of density, I would believe they are smart enough to realize sooner or later in life, they have to go for tattoo removal. *claps claps* What an unnecessary line of actions to take~

Then again, my favourite of them all is the tattoo of a lawn mower on a man’s balding head. *burst out laughing*

Perhaps in this small crazy world we live in, we just have to sit back, watch, appreciate & laugh at the silliness of it all. =)

Unbelievable parents =D

Besides the fact that they allow me to do almost anything I want to do & makes me go crazy (for better & worse) with their jokes or scoldings, I find them uber cool.

Case 1. Daddy brought my P6 bro to his office to help out. Since dad takes like half an hour to type 1 sms, he asked my bro to type while he voiced out what he wants to be written. & YOU KNOW WHAT MY DAD DID??! *super stunned*

Dad was really pissed with 1 of his troublesome worker, so he told my bro ‘add fuck you at the end! add fuck you ok!’ *pukes blood* I agree with Mummy ‘WHICH DAD TEACHES HIS SON THIS WAY?’

So I pressed for my bro’s reaction & instead of being shocked at my dad, my bro smiled. *faints* Is it me or my family works really weirdly? -_-”

Wahahaha. Now that this incident keeps circling around in my mind, I can’t help but be amused by my dad’s atrocious way of interacting with his kids. Did you guys know that was this period I was really sick of MJ, so I decided to skip assembly & Physics morning lecture by sneaking into school late? So, my dad had breakfast with me, drove me to school & helped me to look out for the discipline mistress in his car while I smuggled into school via the too-rarely-used back gate. *giggles* Isn’t him cute? ^_^

Case 2. As I learn to express myself better in English, my Chinese is dropping to a CMI level. *devastated* Language barrier has been present btwn Mummy & I since my secondary school days. Ironically, it has been the one that spice things up btwn us too *weird eh?*

-the below takes place in Chinese-

Today in my dad’s office, I was teaching Mum some Excel’s skills. So, I said “you have to right click on this” *points to mouse* Then my Mum said “eh. I know. Click the Mao.(cat) ” I was like “Huh?! No! It’s not Mao, it’s lao shu (mouse)” My mum then added on impatiently “You say again in English what is it called.”

So I said, ” Mouse”. & my cute mum said ” MAO-S”. *both of us burst out laughing*

Ahhh. Silly incidents just make my day. =)))

*footnote: I missed Cass Ong’s ridiculous remarks & her retarded jokes that have the ability to make me burst out laughing so naturally. I missed BEABY & her naggings & her sharing of stuffs *wink* & her love!*

What light through yonder window breaks?

You know.. I always believe I’m selfish (& so is everyone else) because it’s just human NATURE to be like this. Then, I start to learn about the noble and selfless love one can have, about people like Mother Theresa, about firefighters, about teachers, about people from all walks of life with a kind soul and a genuine heart.

As we know, the recent cyclone that hits a school in Sichuan has resulted in a tragic loss of lives and has terribly twisted the fate of the living ones. Just browsing through some of the pictures is able to upset me greatly bcos the tears in their eyes & on their dirty cheeks, the grief written all over their faces, their cries I heard on the television just seem so…… pitiful =’(

How unfair it is.. for the children to suffer such a trauma and heart wrenching pain at this tender young age; for the parents to have their precious one to be taken away from them so suddenly & forcibly; for the students to lose their daily routine of going to school like the rest of the world; for the teachers to help as many kids out as possible at the expense of their own lives; for the rest of us to feel so helpless.

I’ve always disapproved and ridiculed at people who commit suicide bcos they DO NOT have the right to take away their own lives when another human being in this world is struggling to survive. Death can be such a sorrowful parting when we aren’t ready for it. Surprisingly, I’m ready. I want to help to find the kids. I want to dig them out and feed them & give their lives back to them. *sighs* It’s not cheap talk -i’ve seriously tried discussing with my parents to let me go & help, but they don’t allow.

I remembered vividly somebody told me before that it’s hard for me to fall in love because of my ’superstar’ character. Hahah. It’s basically bcos ‘i love everyone’ and ‘everyone loves me’ =) & so.. I love no.. “ONE”. Although I never thought of it in such an interesting way before, but I’ve got to admit it’s quite true. Back to the topic, I yearn to become the one that is selfless. The one that hears the calling of an important mission. The one that can throw aside the baggages of luxury, fame and power to reach out my strong hand for those that seriously need my help. That’s how i WANT to live, but I can’t -just not yet.

At this point, all i can do is just like the song track below says: “Listen to your heart.”

Such an emotion-invoking song with an incomparable singer with very powerful vocals

-Roxette.

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Girls just wanna have fun ;)

Soooooooo much nostalgia~ Just watching the videos brings me back to the century of bright colors & old movie days.. Missed it!~

Cyndi Lauper -girls just want to have fun

Cyndi Lauper -true colors

Deep down inside,

everyone is schizophrenic.

To sleep, perchance to dream

I woke up this afternoon with messy hair, puffy eyes, sore body and feeling super grouchy and sick. It’s odd, considering the fact that I did not touch a drop of liquor last night. And the sickeningly hot weather in S’pore is totally fueling my irateness.

Now..

I feel like there are thousands of voices telling me what to do, as if I’m incapable of controlling my own actions. I want to drown out all these voices in my mind. I feel like I SHOULD just answer to myself and nobody else. I feel the frustration of an artist trying to paint a better picture than the one he is currently working on. I feel the misery of an author having a writer’s block and still trying to string two words together. I’m tired of the stability and security of my life. I think I’m a potential delinquent. I feel like slapping somebody. I feel like I’m in a turmoil of colors and all I want is to see everything is in black and white.

I feel like not waking up.

Breathe life into a stone

P.s. I drew this ugly picture. HAHA.

This depicts what I feel at the moment. My ONE and only blooming life, filled with ‘if’s and yet, it’s attempting to complete one full circle. With my recent weird intuition that I’m running out of time, I have been ensuring that none of my days is wasted to sulking or lazing around. Perhaps this is why people always preach that “Happiness is a choice”.

To me, it isn’t just a choice. It’s a life goal. An accomplishment. A state of mind. Life in its best perspective. Happiness cannot be taken for granted and cannot be neglected too. I’ve made both of these mistakes and definitely learn a lot from my depressing days.

1. Just because you have a natural cheerful disposition, you can never assume you’re not one that will not fall prey to depression. Therefore, I believe we should always put in the effort to be happy as any day wasted is a day wasted to unhappiness. However, note that there are both short-lived and lifelong happiness and neither should be forsaken for the other ideally. One day, *touch wood* when you’re forced to make a decision circling between the 2, rmbr to make the one which leaves you the least regrets. (:

2. Happiness cannot be neglected, just like what I’m doing now! Wahaha =D

Summer’s break has been going on fairly well and I seem a happier person as compared to during school term. Nonetheless, I believe this happiness is a result of finding myself back and having the luxury of time to think things through carefully. Enough of the ‘somewhat philosophical‘ stuffs above~! Here are some stuffs that are screaming the word FUUUUUN:

1. Blokus-ing with Gerald & Cha.

[ I realized we 3 really do family-ish stuffs tgt~ ie. shopping at Carrefour/Daiso, taking our ECP walks, suppering, accompanying each other when we run errands, playing board games]

Engrossed in a tough battle of the wits

We FLASHED! (our cards. Heh)

There is even a creative Forfeit Tree with the forfeits on leaves~! =)

2. Catching & Feasting on Prawns with family

We all succumbed to the youngest KING in the family when he nags non-stop to go prawn-ing together. That one night, I witnessed a traumatized dog with a bone stuck in its teeth; daddy’s hands pricked by those smart-ass delicious prawns; bro’s impatience with the rod; my ability to stone for quite SOME time; fresh prawns transforming into delicious sambal prawns under my parents’ divine culinary skills which their daughter has inherited totally NONE of it *sheepish smile*.

3. The largest, roundest, prettiest orb in the sky

I involuntarily let out a gasp when I looked up that night and saw it hanging on the sky- so massive & round. Initially, silly me thought it was a hot-air balloon because it just look so perfectly NEAR me. Then, when I realized it’s the MOON (ps:I have a fetish for moon~), my heart smiled all the way home =)

4. The Fright Night Comm Recree at OCH

We cracked jokes over it; seriously worry together for it; bracing ourselves for that 2 nights. Perhaps it’s time to show the bondue comm our ‘BARBIE DOLLISH‘ scares. Hur hur. I have this unwavering attitude: i LOVE to prove people WRONG. That night, all hell would break loose (literally~)

5. Once-in-a-blue-moon Meet up with Ming

You make me realized who my true friends are.

Hahah! & Gerald touched my bun & said that he missed my long hair. Aww *_*

6. A sudden decision to cut & dye

Yups! This is an unsatisfied me with reasonably shorter hair, DARK DARK brown hair & changed fringe.

Perhaps I should try LOUDER colors like blond for my hair next semester not because I WANT to be different, but I CAN be. =)

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Do Not Love Me Yet -Turlough Carolan

If there can only be ONE poem that can translates so much of my feelings into words in such a beautiful way, THIS IS IT. It can capture most if not all, of my thoughts and yet, doesn’t sound OVER melodramatic like most poems do. Here you go, enjoy~! (:

Do not love me yet, for I
Am still a slender moon,
A scimitar about the heart
Too sharp to touch too soon.

Before I’m touched I need to grow
More full in golden light;
I need to smile upon my earth
And rule some patch of night.

I need to know what roads and fields
Lie in my domain
And dull my brand new ecstasies
With sophomoric pain.

I need the love of some blank boy
As cold and dark as me,
That we might grope in ignorance
And fear of what might be.

And then when I’m a silver bowl
And know what I can hold,
Then, then, perhaps, we could try love
If you are not too old.