Shag- tisfied!

*SUNNY BRIGHT SMILE*

Being the workaholic I am, I was forced to take a retreat from all my stressful work & go for another camp to learn to facilitate. I’m pretty amazed by how much I’ve changed from my training run as compared to this one. I’m very happy to say that I FINALLY see myself learning something from being in SMU. Being in a school that is packed with vocal and loud people who are very much eager to voice their opinions on almost everything, I actually learnt to LISTEN better. *proud smile*

Now, let me talk abt my camp. Initially, I was very very very shocked that Nic & I were in the same grp. Because of some past issues, our r/s has been a bit awkward to continue on properly. Hence, I pretended that I don’t know him from before &thankfully, he was smart enough to play along.

Putting that aside, it was pretty fun! ((: Bcos of my appointed game ACTIVITY being a game that has to do with ropes and the fact that I refused the guys’ help to carry the ropes for me, I was claimed to have a fetish for ropes & maligned to be Ms Kinky!!! *smacks forehead* hahaha. Despite that, it’s fun to have ams’ friend, GH aka Mr Orgasmic to be entertaining me with lots of “interesting news”. =P

& bcos Michelle has watched less than 10 movies in her entire life, our group decided to catch the late night movie of “Wanted” together. Honestly speaking, our group was really shagged with FIVE activities cramped in one day and the movie was pretty turn-off for me with an OVERUSE of matrix effects. Hence, I can’t blame Sentill (who was sitting beside me) immediately fell asleep after watching Angelina Jolie’s naked sexy back =P

Seriously speaking, who can resist Angelina’s MEGA HOT LOOK & BODY man? It was pretty obvious and absolutely funny when the intent of everyone watching this show is to catch a glimpse of this sizzling hot woman. This is bcos when the movie screen shows her first appearance, everyone (especially the guys) gasped audibly.The entire cinema audience was laughing our heads off for the outright display of affection for her. I think she is incredibly sexy too!

Any man who can resist her either 1. totally lacks testerone or 2. imagination!

Though the camp was indeed fun as I learn to take the backseat, I honestly feel that I could have learnt smtg more substantiative if Jabriel was thr to be our sf. (Not that I dislike sentill in any way. I mean, he is really funny & a good company but for most of the issues, I can’t see eye to eye with him)

Speaking of Jabriel, there seems to be a rumour going around that I like him or smtg. Although I DO like him as a facilitator but of course, rumour always has spices added to it & I have no idea how blown up the story is for now. -_- CRAPP. SMU is so small that when people are bored of doing their own business, they stir shit up to entertain themselves. Then again, gossips travel fast & far. I’m quite appalled by this unjustified accusation. Then again, the more I’m bothered by it will show them the more I feel towards this whole issue & hence, justifies their deduction. My exasperation lies in the fact that if Jabriel really gets the wrong idea, I can’t learn from him anymore T_T

Back to camp stuffs, we slept at 4 am! & chionged for another day before breaking camp. I bet I will get even fatter with my school mates constant cravings for supper outings.

Now that I’ve taken a forced but definitely welcomed retreat, I find myself jolly & optimistic back again! :D

(perhaps I MIGHT like camps after all..or it might just be ftb =P)

To end off, here’s to share with you  “Always be my baby” by Mariah Carey which I LOVEEE listening to these dys.

ps. I WISH.. I can sit on the swing thingy and swayed above a river/ lake under a full moon and singing my heart out like her in the video clip~ It’s really surreal and lovely just to think about it. :) :) :)

It’s when the hit is hardest..

I WOULD NEVER QUIT.

& when you’re in your own room, quietly reflecting behind closed doors, spare 4 minutes to watch this video.

More often than not, we can only do what we see. These days, I get upset when I see all the ways my plan can fall through. & that’s how it is. Now is the time to change what I see. I see the crowd enjoying what we’ve prepared for them. I see freshmen smiling as they played the game actively. I see the cyclists on the road safely. I see people attracted and approving nods. I see my committee’s relieved looks. I see the plan carrying out smoothly. I see my satisfied smile.

& I will continue to see all these, till it happened.

A reminder to Cherish.

I woke up with tears running down my cheeks and the emotional weariness you’d feel after you’ve cried a shit lot. Hahah. It’s horrible to dream that both my lil’ bro & granny died. Only when I was bawling beside his corpse that I realize just how much I believe in him. He is the one who I would fork out my money to get him to study music abroad . He is the one I pinned on my high hopes on. He is the one who is like me, who knows what he wants and is determined to get it. How can I ever dreamt that he just go away and never have any of his dreams come true? The thought of him leaving me behind caused me to break down in my sleep. Finally I found a fault with having fertile imagination. You never know what your subconscious mind has in store for you! Nevertheless, this serves as a reminder for me to cherish my family (which I am very guilty of neglecting when work comes in..)

On a random note, SMU community is so small that it’s freaking me out. I think I’m suffering from claustrophobia now. Now that we’re on this, throw in anthropophobia as well. More importantly, I think I’ve recently contracted “EMAILOPHOBIA”. I’ve spent exactly FOUR hours JUST sending, replying and reading emails & I’m not even close to being done! WHAT THE ()&@^(%!&@%!@.

On another note, this sense of urgency in me is propelling me forward.. so fast that it seems I’m making many rounds of detour bcos I’ve lost my teammates. There is A LOT OF work for me to clear off at this HEAT OF THE MOMENT and I really need to be left alone (as much as I hate it) bcos any distractions now gives me the urge to bite. *MEOW~~!*

A literary retreat

Because of the culmination in unwanted stress and bitchiness, I succumbed to my soul’s craving for a literary retreat. An unexpected trip made down to NLB rewarded me with a gleeful finding of this hilarious and interesting book. Frankly speaking, the content does not add much to my existing knowledge.

Not that I’m a libido guru of course. HAHAH. In any case, such light reading is what I need now in order to get away from this real life of heavy burdens and commitments.

I realized I never liked it when certain relations get a bit tangled up in which communication goes haywire and I’ve got to deal with the clamour of intense confusion in addition to my developing headache. Hence, I blog-hopped quite a fair bit to see how’s the rest of the world doing.

Then I realized I’m royally appalled by the way he leads his life now. (not that I’ll be poking my nose into his business any time soon. Save the time and energy and love) Once again, this serves as a reminder to me that life is packed with choices. One wrong would more probably than not lead to another mistake, & this would continue snowballing until the day when you wake up and figure out your life is one big mess (you’ve created). Hallelujah~!

—-

Bitch note:perhaps you might consider eating ur own words if you happened to receive a call 9 mins before mtg. with the lateness and irresponsibility u’ve shown to all of us for the past few mths, dun try to claim credit for wad you’re doing now by dismissing other’s effort. before you get carried away with that pompous attitude of yours, perhaps the last respectable and incredibly easy thing for you to do is show some respect for others, arse.

For gawd’s sake, STOP COMPARING. I’m extremely sick of living up to YOUR expectation. & if you think that she is BETTER than me in so many aspects, I’m NOT going to stop you from going to her. YOU DUN HAVE TO REPORT TO ME. Perhaps I never pay you the amount of attention you need. But then again, attention-seekers like you turn me off. Perhaps there might come a day you would love her more than u love me. If that’s the case, so be it. I’m seriously sick of defending myself & it’s not as though you aren’t aware that I’m fiercely goal-minded. *roll eyes* As I grow up, I start to realize I might never be good enough for you nor anyone else. Hence, I learn to be sure that I’m good enough to satisfy my own standard & I’m sure I’d be fine. On another hand, I can’t stand the way you gossip endlessly about others. & there are so much stuffs I can’t seem to bear that is probably diminishing the love I had. I suck badly at this -got to do smtg abt this ):

Bitch discovery: Everyone OVER PROMISES. Words can carry either NO WORTH or hold a considerably large value.  The difference is whose mouth do they come from.

to self: stop procrastinating before u turn into one of those useless biatches. God, I think I’m getting allergic to bullshit almost instantly these days. Seriously… I shuddered at the thought of how much of it I’m actually exposed to every single day. No wonder I feel filthy here.

The News – Jack Johnson

A billion people died on the news tonight
But not so many cried at the terrible sight
Well mama said
It’s just make believe
You can’t believe everything you see
So baby close your eyes to the lullabies
On the news tonight

Who’s the one to decide that it would be alright
To put the music behind the news tonight
Well mama said
You can’t believe everything you hear
The diagetic world is so unclear
So baby close your ears
On the news tonight
On the news tonight

The unobtrusive tones on the news tonight
And mama said

Why don’t the newscasters cry when they read about people who die?
At least they could be decent enough to put just a tear in their eyes
Mama said
It’s just make believe
You cant believe everything you see
So baby close your eyes to the lullabies
On the news tonight

Protected: Life is crazy and so am I

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My Current Needs

Bitch/ whine/ swear/ go crazy or whatever-you-name-it to release the stress and negativity constantly building up within me.

Seriously. I KNOW, & yes, I KNOW it’s what I signed myself up for. To be juggling so much stuffs at 1 time demands excellent multi-tasking skills (which I’m trying to acquire). Anyway, I’m easily irritated with people now. Especially my close ones. (ugh. I hate to vent my anger on you too. I suck, I know.)

I think I am superbly short-tempered. On another hand, I need A LOT OF breathing space now. & I can’t find the right music to calm myself down. Rock & roll doesn’t help me to release stress anymore. & classic makes me feel like escaping from everything and hide in a jungle.

On a brighter note, I just kneeled and gasped for today’s photo shoot & got 100 bucks. Pretty guilty yet enjoyable way of earning money man.

Blog about it another time, I’m damn pissed & fired up to go do my stuffs RIGHT this time round.

Shaggg.

The lazy bones in me are rattling in protest of too many stressful happenings to my poor body. Hahaha.

Today was spent nua-ing with beaby & tuition. I realized nua-ing with beaby is quite therapeutic since I’m pretty much myself with her (: Unfortunately, I only managed to get 4hours of sleep and I going off to sleep when it’s only TEN PM now. Oh my precious beauty sleep! It better not ditch me before daybreak again or else I will kill myself. HAHA.

& I’m proud to declare that I have a MADD tutee. We can spent tuition talking with FURNITURE, nonsensical jokes and both of us view life from another perspective.

& my committee is getting me bitchy. Maybe Keeto’s right. I have to be harder on others so that I’m not taken for granted. Then again, that is not my style of working. I will see how it goes but I find out bitching is essential for our mental health & those who do not bitch right in your face are much scarier when they do things to you that you’re unaware of. No wonder dad always say ‘irregardless of how others work, you try your best.’ Heck all your gossips & comments. It’s my prerogative to continue giving my best for the sake of success, I say.

& I received a call from MY FAVE CASS ONG~~~ Horny woman hasn’t changed a bit! Hahaha. Although it’s abit anti-climax our line got cut off halfway & I can’t hear all her funny comments T_T

*smiles* Sometimes, it just takes ONE person to call me in her hyper crazy mood & the whole day seems so much better  ((:

& I just received a call from sandy asking for help in photo shoot for some company’s advertisements. Hohoho. Should be interesting & i shall retreat into my lala land before turning into a panda with mighty mood swings tmr~

& FYIP: I’m going to RECONSTRUCT my character. I’m still not making as much changes as I’d love to have within me. (sounds like I’m going for a sex change operation. *naughty grins*)

Meanwhile, rock on people~!!

ps. I MISS the young, cute and so goddamn hot Britney~! For now, it’s really sad to see her fame & glory vanishing.. :/

GAY.

Hahaha. As in HAPPY. :D I get to see my dear ltbies since a long long time ago. Somehow, I don’t feel that she has grown from her mistake. But I’m just glad she is alright and alive now. Hopefully, distractions will clear her mind and open her eyes to other stuffs. & poor bud got BOTH his wisdom teeth extracted. So poor thing~! (ps. you shld keep it under ur pillows & get a huge sum of money to compensate for possible loss of intelligence. HAHA. kiddin!)

And ‘Get Smart’ is HILARIOUS. It’s those retardedly funny kind of show which guarantees you a few laughs. Though the funny moments are not really coherent throughout the movie, Anne Hathaway is a good distraction. =P

Mmm. & i don’t know getting surprised or surprising others is better already. Hahah. I got both in 1 day which left me much drained at the end of the day. We had a surprise birthday party for Chang during bondue meeting & the number of candles on the cake genuinely shocked me.

After the long discussion and tremendously painful decision of thriller/fright night being scraped, I’m glad to have super funny company like keeto & jaryl. Hahaha. Racist jokes left four of us with teary eyes and hurting cheeks while we rushed to catch the last bus home man. (Yeahh, I agree we’re damn evil.) I never laughed so hard for sooo long. As jaryl puts it, we’ve all received free botox treatment & worked out our abs.

& when I reached home, I got a msg from my hao jie mei to encourage me to keep going for bondue. I love that sweet bitch! Hurhur. What a gay day~ ^.^

With or without you

With or without you A-Teens

“To let go isn’t to forget, not think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn’t winning, and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride, and it’s not about how you appear, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It’s not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss, and it’s not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, but to overcome and to move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and to set yourself free.”

I come across this paragraph on one of my friend’s blog. Abandoned (haha! i refused to step out of my hse for fear of a sudden bout of cramps) at home on a quiet Sunday morning with gray skies, this situation signifies a high tendency for me to stone emo think about stuffs. :P

Sometimes, it comes to the point where I ain’t sure how does things turn out this way anymore. By revisiting those happy silly days we spent, I wonder if my idea of best friends has changed or has been changed for you. Not spending time together, no chance to share a few loud laughs, share a few secrets or there for each other. It’s as though we are not just a few kilometers but worlds apart. The magic of friendship and the twinkle in your beautiful eyes when we were so happy together is (more or less) gone faded away.

Perhaps it’s my fault. Be it my insecurity, fear of losing you or incapability to have the faith in you us. After mulling over this for quite some time, I think I have learnt to let go of you. For me, it’s about accepting the change between us and moving on. Thank you for all that you had given me. See you. *weak smile*

Love, Sin.

*on a happier note, I found a blood soap! Such a cool prop for fright night.