in your iris.

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand.

好累。

我一直聆听,
我闭上眼睛,
不敢看你的表情.
满天流星,无穷无尽,
我的眼泪擦不乾净,
所以绝口不提.
所以暗自反省.

这几天，发生了好多事。唯一让我欣慰的是，每当我取消每个约会，都会得到朋友的关心问候..

那天晚上的我， 好激动。拼命的强迫自己压抑心情.. 过了这件事，我感到很低落。所以我要好好的反省。一只播放着 Hoobastank -Reason 来让自己好过一些。就像歌词里说的 “I’m not a perfect person. There’s many things I wish I didn’t do. But I continue learning..“

我发现我越来越乱. 做东西乱, 想东西乱, 看东西乱… 这样下去, 我会一事无成.

还有, 所有的成就, 我都是盲目得去追求.  没有理会身边人的感想, 不在乎其他人的看法, 一直执著于自己的梦想, 自己的想法, 自己的作为. 这是好是坏, 我还是不知道.

而且, 我和其他人在沟通上出现很多问题. 我不能再回避了. 我不能再把自己封锁在我的世界里.

我只知道 我对现在的我并不满意.  这样消沉的欣怡, 我不喜欢. 我厌倦了生活里一波接一波的烦恼. 我看着周围虎视眈眈的人, 忙忙碌碌的人, 拼到要命的人..觉的人类很可笑.

明明不重要, 却要跟着所有人的条例走. 这样做人, 我觉得很累.

因为沉蒙的心情, 我对莫些事也变得挺敏感.

为什么看起来和我很亲近的人 其实根本不了解我?

为什么偶尔跟我叙叙旧的普通朋友会马上看出我的不快乐?

可能..到这个阶段, 朋友 -不应该分普通或知己. 不同的名份, 要求会不同。这样..不公平吧？

我剪不碎旧日的动人情怀,
你看不出来我的无奈.

-Collide.

I think there is something fundamentally wrong with me.

I’m trying to fix it.

I suddenly feel the smallest in this entire world. Like I’m still a sheltered child. Like I still can’t take blows like an adult.

Peace – I need to seek for it all over again.

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

random 102

red wine is so… *blarghh*. white wine is.. *gulping sound*.

in conclusion, hard liquor beats everything else!

p/s. corns! GO MAMBO WITH ME PLS.

p.p/s. i come to the conclusion that I’m getting fatter if I don’t gym soon.

Protected: *murmuring to ownself*

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Something deep.. and ticklish.

HAHAH. Yessss I know, the title is =) marvelous.

Let me explain myself. Something deep is because these two stuffs which I’m going to write about are like buried inside me for very long already la.

Ticklish because both stuffs are damn funny. Here goes..

#1. I badly want to mambo during recess week but dun have mambo mates because they’re going white water rafting! *sad*

So I told kh on facebook:  “OMG -______________-

YES. I WANT TO MAMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. *drags u off the raft to Zouk*.

His reply: “hahahah wa so violent!!!! HAHAA nvm i like!!! hahahahahhhahahaH!!!!!! i want to drink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

#2. I want to meet up with my ftb freshies for very, very long alr.

Finally, the thread to meet up starts coming =)

Me:

*LMAO*

Dear Mr Organizer, I’m free on Thursday whole day until 5pm bcos I have tuition at 6pm. Just fyi =)

-Buttercup’s mother #2

Kevin:

=) no problem. All we want is to see you mummy! haha

My god. I just realized I’m becoming MORE motherly. *screams hysterically & runs off to play with toys* LOLS!!!

random 101

As usual, I was listening to my whole list of songs while studying.

Then, it started playing ‘bleeding love’ & I start having flashbacks of my KL roadtrip with my dears.

I remember there was a quarrel btwn 2 daddies, each with his kids, at Sunway lagoon (a water theme park). I was fascinated & disgusted by how these two adults were childishly exchanging vulgarities (each in his own language) in front of their kids.

So, I kept staring. ( Hahaha, and if you know me, it is very obvious when something caught my attention & I’m looking at it. )

I remember James turning my head 90 degrees to look at somewhere else while Ams & Josh have already started talking and pretending that they’re not hearing the argument.

At that time… I honestly felt like a kid. -___-

i love spam jokes! =)

I badly NEED to start this morning on a good mood so that I’d feel like studying since midterms is tomorrow.

So, I went to school super early & open up my email inbox. & viola~ there are spam jokes all over the place *happeeee*

These are two which I particularly love. Here’s for you guys! : )

***

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started…..

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up fro m the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy crap! That must be my husband!’

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!‘

The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’

And then the fight started…..

***

Jokes aside, I come to discover that people are telling me their innermost feelings and thoughts.I wonder if this is the law of reciprocation since I’m always open about my feelings and thoughts (unless there is a vital reason for me to hold back). Many of my closer friends are more open than an average person. *damn relieved*

& I just realized I hold openness & honesty in high regard. You can do something inappropriate, something not-very-nice, something extremely emo & shocking BUT as long as you tell me, I appreciate that. My friend, you can choose not to tell me. To me, trust between friends is very important and because you believe in me, you would let me know.

I think this is the main reason why I’m not judgmental. I don’t judge you based on the content you’re telling me, I judge how much you’re telling me. Of course not just quantity, but quality. =)

“The mind is like a parachute, it only works when it’s open”.

LTM reflection: Some stuffs… I have to relearn. =]

learning from feedback

Thanks to one of my dears who let me know this =)

i think that you are emotional at some moments when you get fedup with some things. it’s the sudden explosion kind.
but when you calm down (and you do get over these negative emotions quite quickly), you can be very reasonable and rational. and then you become motivated again. it’s like some sort of cycle for you, from my point… so, in the end, you still make decent decisions…

After gathering my thoughts together, I really feel like I’ve grown a lot. From one semester to the next, the innermost part of me underwent MAJOR changes which kind of influence my perspective on different stuffs.

But all’s good. I think I’m changing for the better. I might not be the Sin Yi you’ve known but you would still love me! HAHAHA *thick skinned*

I am so tired today. I think I seriously need to turn my attention to the books & not people. Another cui gpa might just kill all possibilities of me getting an internship ):

By the way, I’m learning to let go and trust them. I believe I can do it!

Bleargh. tired sinyi emoing to: Always a day too late. (hope I’m not too late to revive myself for BP man.)

I”M COMING~

Hahahah. My TA group has this thing for this phrase “I’m coming!~”

Perhaps triggered off by my passing comment on the orgasmic cake. Everyone seems to be on the same wavelength now & I’m loving it! haha =)

I just did some reflections. *satisfied*

I realized my girl group is quite cliquish & judgemental. I realized I’m quite rigid! Have my way of doing things.

I realized.. I. NEED. TO. MUG. HARDER! Hahah. Because my recess week is packed with a lot of fun activities already!!! =)